Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize