Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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