I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
