everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
