Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
