ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
