i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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