Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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