hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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