Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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