Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
