We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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