I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
