Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
