Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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