When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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