glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize