you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
