im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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