I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just had sex on a roof
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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