Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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