I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
