I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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