absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
