Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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