google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
