could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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