theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
