new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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