am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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