Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
