so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
