I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
