Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
