What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
