Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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