He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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