She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
