The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
