please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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