You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
smell my finger.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
