a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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