im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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