I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
