Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
