got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
