Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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