if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
