This girl is more easily done than said...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
