We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
