Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
